February 1
Scarred
When I was having coffee Thursday morning I met a young lady named Mara who has survived a suicide attempt and had been involved in Self-injury (cutting) for several years. It was refreshing to listen to her story of survival and learn that she was now a radical follower of Christ working with teen girls at her church. I was able to share my insight on the subject since my wife had once struggled with self injury as well. We had a great time and, two refills later, we parted company. I am reminded by Mara’s story that Self-injury is not a fad or a way for someone just to act out. Though self-injury can be used to get a spouse’s or parents’ attention, it is still very serious and needs to be addressed. Over the years, different groups of teenagers, like Goth and Emo kids, have used cutting as a way of expressing themselves. Kids that do this probably all knew a real cutter and copied their behavior to get attention from their peers, or just because it seemed like the thing to do at the time. There is also a group of people who cut out of deep pain and despair. They don’t know how to experience feelings and this is a way to feel the pain that is otherwise bottled up tight. I had a NinetyNine4One encounter with a few of these kids a while back and I thought I’d share the story.
~ R-Dog
A couple of years back, I was at a mall waiting for my bus home. It was just me and a few Goth/Emo kids keeping me company. One girl was showing off her ace bandage wrapped around her wrist. This, of course, captured my attention. A teenage boy with his black eyeliner and jet black hair look at her wrist and asked:
“What’s with the bandage?”
She replied very matter-of-factly, “I cut.”
The group nodded with understanding as she rubbed her wrist for dramatic effect. I, being a caring and nosey person, had to know more.
“So, you cut yourself?” I inquired of the young lady dressed in tight black jeans and a Black Crows t-shirt.
She looked at me defiantly and snapped, “Yeah! Why do you care?”
“Well, it really is none of my business, but my wife is a cutter and is in the hospital right now because of it.”
“I didn’t try to kill myself,” she flamed back at me, as the whole group now fixed their attention on our conversation.
“I didn’t say that she tried to kill herself. I said that she was a cutter like you.”
She looked around at all her Emo friends for support and stated:
“We all cut. We all need to cut, and we have to in order to feel.”
I nodded and looked at them all. I was getting ready to make my point.
“Can I see your scars then?”
“What kind of a sick bastard are you man? You want to see our scars?”
“Yes, I do. I just want to see the scars of your tortured emotions.”
“Fine!” said the girl with the bandaged wrist. She unwrapped the bandage which revealed two scratches that were about 3 inches long. A kitten could have delivered a more deadly cut.
I let out a long whistle to show my amazement.
“Impressive… Who else has a scar?” I asked the rest of the group.
A couple of the other kids showed me a couple of marks that were one to two inches long that were barely visible.
“Wow guys, you would love my wife. She has slashes from wrist to bicep on both arms. Some of them are not even fully healed yet.”
“THAT IS SICK MAN! Your wife does that to herself? That’s crazy!” One of the other girls said, and she looked even paler than she looked a few seconds before.
“Yes, she is very ill, but she is getting help for what is going on up here”, I said while pointing to my head.
For the next several minutes we discussed the real deal of self-abuse, and I explained to them that doing what they were pretending to do was very serious, and that unless they truly had severe issues they shouldn’t do it. We discussed their “horrible” lives and how they hated living. I encouraged them to choose healthy ways to express themselves though music, poetry or writing. They all agreed, and I watched as they were picked up by their “horrible” parents and continued on with their “horrible” lives. They left via Lexus, Land Rovers and Navigators.
As I watched the last car drive away, I looked down. The girl with the bandage on her wrist had left her bandage behind.
Seems it wasn’t important to her anymore.
These young people need someone to come along side of them and show courageous love to them. Jesus is the answer.
Thanks. I know some kids that are cutters, even relatives.
Thanks for addressing a topic that has for years been so taboo. People who really do struggle with this problem don’t get help because they don’t want the label that goes with it. There is help out there and feeling aren’t as scary as they seem.
These students (precious children of the Most High) need to know God’s thoughts of them outnumber the grains of sand. We need to be ready to be used by HIm to love, support, encourage and listen to those in need. Are you we that type of blessing?
So beautifully put Andy! I think that it’s our mandate from Christ himself to love, accept people no matter how messed up they are.
It’s sort of after the fact but TO Write Love on Her Arms is an awesome website about this issue. http://www.twloha.com/
wow these stories are always so touching to my heart, I am really dealing in my own heart just to accept people for who they are and give them love and acceptance to see them just how our father in heaven does, my daughter goes to school with alot of gang members kids that cut and more she is trying to make a difference and tell them about christ and accept them she does better than me, I pray about this I cryed when I read your stories my gift is that of encouragement and lifting up and evangelism since i was a kid and some how growing up in my judgemental family I got twisted some how but I will change that I have a lot of people to help and tell about the one true God with love and acceptance thankyou for caring